Vicki Burtt and Selina Barker founded Project Love in 2013 to help women lead happy and healthy love lives. Their mission is to break down the barriers of societal stigmas that undermine the struggles of dating in a modern age and to challenge the mainstream concepts about love and how to find it. And today the Resident Frame Agony Aunts share their secrets to getting more love flowing into your life!
We find that the number one reason people get stuck when it comes to love is because they believe love is something to be won – something that only another person can give to us. Our mission at Project Love is to show people a different way of looking at love. One where love is cultivated on the inside, so that it flourishes in our lives on the outside.
Our belief is that love is an energy that flows through all of us and the good news is, we all have the capacity to love, whether we’re happily single, looking for love or in a relationship.
Here are 5 ways to step firmly into the love zone and keep those love vibes flowing…
1. Clear away your internal blocks to love to reveal the love that was in you all along
The beautiful thing about love is that it’s not a case of going out and having to find it (contrary to popular belief!). We are in fact each bursting with love on the inside, so to get more love flowing into our lives, we first have to start by clearing the blocks that stand between us and our own source of endless love.
Your blocks to love come from negative and limiting beliefs that you have formed over the years about yourself and what it takes to love and be loved. So you have to turn inwards and take a look at what limiting and negative beliefs you have about yourself and one by one challenge them. For example, if you’ve decided that guys find women like you intimidating then what you need to do is go and find examples of women who are like you that are in happy, loving relationships and use them as a constant reminder that there are great men out there that love women like you.
It’s hard at first to face and even admit to having these limiting and negative beliefs, but with each block you challenge and dissolve, you’ll feel a sense of liberation and feel loving energy rushing back more and more into your life.
2. Practice being present – it’s where love lives
Think of those moments when you’ve felt really in love – for a child, for a lover, for a friend, even for an experience you’re going through. It feels as if time stops in that moment doesn’t it? Well that’s because love only exists in the present. In the here and now.
So if you want to feel more love in your life and in your relationships, then you need to practice being present because that is where love really is found. Not in the hands of one special individual in your life, but when you become deeply present to the moment you’re living in.
There are many ways you can do this: by practicing mindfulness activities such as meditation, yoga, tai chi, qi gong, but also by simply taking regular time-outs in the day to stop whatever you’re doing and getting out of your head and into your body by planting your feet on the floor, stretching and taking some slow deep breaths.
3. Speak to yourself like you would your best friend
Most people laugh at us when we first suggest that they start talking to themselves as they would a best friend. We’re so used to giving ourselves a hard time, comparing ourselves to others or putting pressure on ourselves to be better that it sounds alien to speak to yourself in a loving and encouraging way. Maybe a bit crazy. But what is crazy is to be really unpleasant to yourself when you’re the number one person in your life.
Imagine if you spent all day with someone that criticised everything you did and only had negative things to say, how would you feel at the end of the day? Now imagine if you spent the whole day with someone who spoke to you with love and kindness, offering you words of encouragement and support as you went about your day to day. How would you feel at the end of that day?
So have a go at speaking to yourself for the rest of the day today like you would a best friend – someone you really love – and see the difference it makes. It’s a total game-changer.
4. Do at least one loving thing for yourself every day
The biggest misunderstanding we find people have about love is that they think it’s supposed to be given to them by someone else, but the truth about love is that we have to cultivate it on the inside to be able to receive and feel it from others on the outside.
So love really does start with you. If you want a life full of love then you have to learn how to love yourself first. And one of the best (and simplest) ways to do that is by doing one loving thing for yourself every day. We call it ‘daily acts of love’. Here is how to do it: make a list of all the simple pleasures in life that you can treat yourself to on a daily basis e.g. buying yourself flowers, going to bed early with your book and a cuppa, treating yourself to a long soak in the bath, meditating in the morning, cooking yourself a delicious dinner, taking yourself off to a Frame class ;).
Then get that love flowing by treating yourself to at least one thing from your list every day.
5. Open up to receive love
While we all long for love, actually opening up to receive it from others tends to be the very thing we find people struggle with the most. Why? Because the very act of opening up to let love in, puts us in a vulnerable position. It forces us to take down the walls we had put up around us to protect ourselves from heartbreak, hurt and disappointment. However, while we might have thought that these walls were keeping us safe, they are also the very thing stopping us from receiving love fully. So in order to live a life full of love we must have the courage to be vulnerable and let those protective walls fall away.
A simple way to be aware of how open you are to receiving love is to notice the times when you reject love and connection from others, whether it’s brushing off a compliment, saying no to an offer of help when you’re struggling or saying “I’m fine” when a friend asks if you’re ok and you’ve had a bad day.
Open up by doing the opposite. Try accepting compliments when they’re given to you, accept help and support when it’s offered (and also ask for it when you need it) and be honest with friends when they offer to lend an ear.
Above all, let those protective walls fall away and let the love in. Join us at Frame for Project Love’s, How to be a Good Lover event on Thursday 26th November.
>>> If you enjoyed this and want a dose of daily love delivered straight to your inbox then come and sign up to the Project Love Daily Love Bytes (they’re free) and get the love flowing straight away!
Do you have a question about love, or relationships? Fire your questions to Project Love as they take over the Frame Twitter on Friday 20th October from 12-1pm. Please @moveyourframe & @_ProjectLove_ using the #frameagonyaunts
And if you didn’t catch Project Love’s advice on ‘How to be a Good Lover’ on our blog last week, read here!